8/1/02
Mr. & Mrs. Harvey Deepockets
1256 Unsuspecting Lane
Blissfully Happy, FL 78888
Dear Mr. & Mrs. Deepockets:
Thank you very much for your last letter dated 7/16/02. I hope
you’re both havin’ a real good winter vacation in Florida. I swear
the major remodel of your lovely home is coming along real good.
I sure hope Mr. Deepockets is feeling better. He sounded a little
tense in his last letter. I don’t mean to be critical Mr. D, but I’m not
sure that kinda language was necessary. You know, you’re gettin’
on in years and you’ve put on a little weight (hee hee) and all that
stress can’t be good for the ole ticker! But as we agreed, I’m writin’
you once a week now (since the unfortunate incident) to keep you
up on our progress.
First off, I’ve got great news! Catastrophic Casualty Insurance said
they will pay! Well, most of it anyway. But your neighbor’s pedigree
retriever ain’t covered. And again, I’m really sorry, Mr. D. I’ll
tell ya’—that Jeb—I’ll bet he never tries that again! Who’da known
that dog was gonna react like that? You’d think he never had brandy
before!
And more good news! We finally stopped the water coming in. The
people from the city were real nice about the repair. They was even
laughing ‘bout it. They kept talkin’ ‘bout man-hours and imbeciles
and how this was really gonna cost somebody somethin’, but they
was smilin’ the whole time! I never heard such goin’ ons. I’ll tell ya’
Mr. D, I never dreamed we were anywhere near that main! Well, live
and learn!
The police stopped by again this morning. I hate it when they do that
‘cause I always seem to lose crew. They got Billy this morning on
child-support and nabbed Stu on some trumped-up warrant ‘bout
bootlegvideos and gerbils … though I believe Stu when he says they
was just pets. Anyway, as they was takin’ statements, these two real
nice men from the IRS shows up. I give ‘em your best coffee to smooth
‘em and—but you know me, Mr. Blabbermouth—we get to talkin’
and one thing leads to the other and I end up showin’ ‘em your computer.
I hope that was OK. They seemed particularly interested in
your accounting programs. Why do you have two of ‘em Mr. D? They
mentioned somethin’ ‘bout getting ahold of you … .
So how’s that Florida weather? Nice I’ll bet! It’s cold here. In fact, we
kinda real accidentally left your foundations uncovered for a few
days and they heaved just a little. But don’t you mind ‘cause we’ll
take care of it. We got plenty of shims. The water pipes might take
a little longer to fix though. Hey! We got those stains out of your living
room carpet! We just moved some of the furniture around to hide
the really bad spots and trimmed some of the shag at places to even
it all out. Looks good as new!
Finally, ta’ answer Mrs. Deepocket’s question, we haven’t seen
Chester in well on a week now. The last anybody can recollect, he
was playin’ around that open supply vent in the master bedroom.
Then he was gone. The meowin’ noise stopped on Tuesday though,
so I’m sure he’s OK.
Well, I hope this catches you guys all up on our progress. This might
not be the best time Mr. D, but if I could ask ya’ ‘bout last month’s
payment. Seems we haven’t received a check in awhile and Stu’s
bail ended up bein’ a lot more than we thought. Well, I’m sure it’s
just a mail thing or somehin’. Stay warm! Until next week!
From,
Brent “Billy Bob” Jackson
B&S Remodeling
